My father died on the 20th, and was buried on the 23rd...Many family skeletons arose...many heartaches from being here 8 mos. and him never wanting to see me.
I am financially broke. . .and my only wish is to return to Maui, HI...my mother was cozy with the neighbor man...he grasped my face and hugged me as only a father would do. It hurt...so much else...and I just never wanted to return.
And I wish I never had.
I'd not made it to the funeral, or through it, had it not been for my fathers old work buddies picking me up, and giving us hotel stay.
I was asked not to bring Ava.
There is just so much pain. I am alone with this, the knowledge my sisters father wasn't even mine...but, she was with him the entire time, and kept me away...my mother is alright with it, a part of the division, even.
My daddy was my everything...and bit by bit, they booted me out...but Daddy allowed it. I forgave and left to be away from them. It hurts being here this whole time...feeling so lost and empty. I am not strong...and no support, no comfort is here. I have to be that for Ava...and I am worn down.
Well, there is dispute now as to whether I 'heard' about my sister and father and mother correctly. I am known for question after question of finding if I heard correct. Not known for forgetting important things...they just hang in my head without effort...well, cowards will be cowards and deny things when they are brought face to face to 'spout it out'...shit starters are what I call those people. Honestly, if half the shit starters minded their own business, life would be completely uncomplicated. Unless something is helpful...leave it alone...and I hate gossip...btw. Don't respect people for it...even called my dad on talking shit about Michelle Obama's butt...God made it...talking about it doesn't help the world.
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