HEART - The Road Home (Acoustic)

Heart "What About Love" LA Christmas 09

My father died on the 20th, and was buried on the 23rd...Many family skeletons arose...many heartaches from being here 8 mos. and him never wanting to see me.
I am financially broke. . .and my only wish is to return to Maui, HI...my mother was cozy with the neighbor man...he grasped my face and hugged me as only a father would do. It hurt...so much else...and I just never wanted to return.
And I wish I never had.
I'd not made it to the funeral, or through it, had it not been for my fathers old work buddies picking me up, and giving us hotel stay.
I was asked not to bring Ava.
There is just so much pain. I am alone with this, the knowledge my sisters father wasn't even mine...but, she was with him the entire time, and kept me away...my mother is alright with it, a part of the division, even.
My daddy was my everything...and bit by bit, they booted me out...but Daddy allowed it. I forgave and left to be away from them. It hurts being here this whole time...feeling so lost and empty. I am not strong...and no support, no comfort is here. I have to be that for Ava...and I am worn down.

Straight No Chaser - Carol of the Bells

HOLY SPIRIT RAIN DOWN

Praying for God's will be done. Praying to do the right things. Praying that good will come from this pain, and sorrow.

Beck - Creole Belle

Beck - Lonesome Whistle

Prophetic Word - March 31, 2009

Prophetic Word - March 31, 2009

My hearts...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0388125/quotes?qt0348492 "I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear. And whatever is done by only me... is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate... for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for, beautiful... you are my world, my true. Here is the deepest secret no one knows. Here is the root of the root... and the bud of the bud... and the sky of the sky of a tree called life... which grows higher than the soul can hope... or mind can hide. It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.~From 'In Her Shoes"

Fox News on Grayson's False "Taliban Dan" Ad

Turning Good into Bad...is this the Revelation? Yes.

Angel Flying Too Close To The Ground

More Evidence That Vaccines Don't Cause Autism

More Evidence That Vaccines Don't Cause Autism

No mosque at Ground Zero

Alan Jackson-Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning

Alan Jackson-Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning

Have You Forgotten?

James McCartney covers Neil Young Old Man O2 Academy 25th Feb 2010 1st L...

Cream - Strange Brew

Steely Dan - Black Cow (Song & Lyrics)

U.S. Capitol Tour with David Barton

The Shadow Over Obama’s Address

The Shadow Over Obama’s Address

Faithful Friend by Twila Paris and Steven Curtis Chapman

Faithful Friend by Twila Paris and Steven Curtis Chapman

Health Matters: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Santo & Johnny - Sleep Walk 1959

Muddy Water - 38 special & Trace Adkins

Tom Waits - The World Keeps Turning

Tom Waits - In The Neighborhood (The Hague 1999)

Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Guys' Favorite Jokes

India Arie - Because I Am

If I could cut n paste all of my posts onto my Blog...

Memoires is my blog.

I am hoping to have a look back into my Facebook and see that my life has gone from a blossom that lost it's bloom, to being overgrown and able to spread beauty and goodness to all who have helped me through the hardest year in my life...and, many would be surprised that this is the hardest one...if you really knew me. It's not all about me...it is those who I love. Knowing I cannot help, hurts more than knowing that I am going through a rough time. That is my rough time.

But, I will try to do better. I love too much some say. But, I will return the love that has overcome me and kept me alive this year...
Thank you.

A Clean Desk Is The sign of an Idle Mind! - Tamara's MySpace Blog |

A Clean Desk Is The sign of an Idle Mind! - Tamara's MySpace Blog |

Queen Latifah Karaoke I Know Where I've Been

The Meeting of the Minds.

My dear father, who I have loved more than life all these years, is ailing. I hadn't know exactly how bad. But, have been praying for him. As being a single parent of two for 18 years so far. I realize what it is to be a sole provider. My dad was gone for months at a time. Leaving us at home. I would hear complaints, gossip, and ridicule about my dad doing this. Yet, always, I realized he was doing this for us...and it was special. My heart ached when he left our home to be away from us for months at a time.

Now, I reflect on how he changed all of that to be home with us, when we were teens. We shut him out of our lives. And it hurt him deeply. I am experiencing a bit of that and felt I should share a bit of that with my eldest daughter. It feels as though it may have made some impact. However, not good enough.

But, the most important conversation with my father was when he was hospitalized for an ailment...and no one told me. I had found out calling his office, to have lunch with my father. I was given, "You don't know?" I was horrified by the tone of that question and thought he was dead. I ran literally to the hospital, stood in the room before my father in tears begging him to take better care of himself. That I loved him, and for him to never shut me out of such an important incident.

Years later, I find my father did just that, again. He couldn't understand my hurt. He couldn't understand why I felt angered, almost bitter towards him. I found out through the grapevine. It was horrid, that others felt I was cold hearted to not be there for my father when his health was declining. Living 'the life' in Maui, HI...with no concern for my father. I had not intelligent response. There was no proper communication, except my father saying, "Just take care of you and (my daughter)." "Don't come."
Now, no one believes that my father meant it.
During a lunch I was sent a picture and viewed it on my phone email. I broke into tears. My father was ailing, and I had missed so much time with him. However, when he was in good health. He rarely wanted to see me.

I do now know my father loves me. That he felt I would be burdened. But, in fact, it made it possible for me to be prepared, to respond to others, and to my father. I have always respected his wishes. However, I feel there are some discrepancies because he'd been distant from me for years. But, I realize it's just not worth thinking about, anymore. He has made it clear to me, his side. I have made it clear of my 'side'. . . and we meet in the middle. That is good enough for me, and him...who gives a hoot what anyone else has to say.

The Band Perry - If I Die Young

I Want Your Money Trailer (2010) HD

Something Good Coming (Video)

Earlimart - Time for Yourself

BP Oil Spill - Pensacola, FL - Gulf Coast - Part 1

Lift me Up by Yes

Mississippi Mass Choir "I Feel Like Going On"

Bagpipes Cryin' Tribute to our Troops

BP Gulf Oil Spill: Billy Nungesser, Parish President, GreenFuelSpot.com

Pearl Jam Alive

Lady Antebellum - I Run To You

tamlinn42's webcam video May 25, 2010, 09:45 AM

Phil Collins-Everything that I am

Phil Collins - Take Me Home (Official Music Video)

Tamara Lowe at Christ Fellowship

Dave Matthews Band - You & Me

Alex Jones: Conspiracy in the Gulf

Would You Go With Me

Basically, this is what I was told. : ) When I am breathlessly afraid of these words, I usually burst out a " No!". I am just needing more time.
So, I just said, "I need more get to know ya time. Take it slow." Whew...and he is gonna stick around. Now, if you ask his name. I am not sharing right now, til I know for sure. But, I think he is it for me and my girl. I don't care what he has, but what he is, and what he likes, and if I can be a full me when I am with him. I don't want to be 'held back'. So...time will tell.

One thing I have to say...write to your soldiers in the war. You may be talking someone home, and right to your front door.

Eric Church - "Hell on the Heart" [ New Music Video + Lyrics + Download ]

You Might Die Trying - Dave Matthews Band - Mile High Music

My sentiments exactly...but, giving is worth the risk. : )

Jackson Browne The Pretender

Death of 'Caveman' ends an era in Idaho | Local News | Idaho Statesman

Death of 'Caveman' ends an era in Idaho | Local News | Idaho Statesman

Me, Myself and I: Ethics of the Fathers 1:14

Me, Myself and I: Ethics of the Fathers 1:14

Traveling to a child...

When I was young my parents took my sister and I with them on various trips. The long rides, sleeping in the car, eating out...it was all great, to me. So, when I see my child as we travel from NV to FL. I am reminded of Mooing at the cows, and being awestruck by the mountains, snow, and how I never wanted to miss a thing.

My daughter is such a great traveler. It was a joy sharing some places that I went to as a child with her. When I told her this. She agreed, but added that she wished her sister was with us.

Being 12 years apart in age, and living apart except for a brief time. The bond was set in her heart. It was mostly a wonderful trip with her, just to know how she is completely thoughtful and loving. My girls are both at similar stages, ready to embrace new things in their lives.

My eldest girl is going into the Army, becoming a generator mechanic.

As a mother you worry if you are doing things right. It's wonderful to see the fruits of your parenting, and know beyond a shadow of doubt that you are truly loving and good as a mother.

I am so proud of both of my girls. I wished they both had been with me for this trip. It would have been so wonderful. But, I realize, our lives entwined is a huge journey that we share together joyfully.