Sunday, December 26, 2010

My father died on the 20th, and was buried on the 23rd...Many family skeletons arose...many heartaches from being here 8 mos. and him never wanting to see me.
I am financially broke. . .and my only wish is to return to Maui, HI...my mother was cozy with the neighbor man...he grasped my face and hugged me as only a father would do. It hurt...so much else...and I just never wanted to return.
And I wish I never had.
I'd not made it to the funeral, or through it, had it not been for my fathers old work buddies picking me up, and giving us hotel stay.
I was asked not to bring Ava.
There is just so much pain. I am alone with this, the knowledge my sisters father wasn't even mine...but, she was with him the entire time, and kept me away...my mother is alright with it, a part of the division, even.
My daddy was my everything...and bit by bit, they booted me out...but Daddy allowed it. I forgave and left to be away from them. It hurts being here this whole time...feeling so lost and empty. I am not strong...and no support, no comfort is here. I have to be that for Ava...and I am worn down.

Friday, December 10, 2010

HOLY SPIRIT RAIN DOWN


Praying for God's will be done. Praying to do the right things. Praying that good will come from this pain, and sorrow.