Saturday, August 21, 2010

Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Guys' Favorite Jokes

India Arie - Because I Am

If I could cut n paste all of my posts onto my Blog...

Memoires is my blog.

I am hoping to have a look back into my Facebook and see that my life has gone from a blossom that lost it's bloom, to being overgrown and able to spread beauty and goodness to all who have helped me through the hardest year in my life...and, many would be surprised that this is the hardest one...if you really knew me. It's not all about me...it is those who I love. Knowing I cannot help, hurts more than knowing that I am going through a rough time. That is my rough time.

But, I will try to do better. I love too much some say. But, I will return the love that has overcome me and kept me alive this year...
Thank you.

A Clean Desk Is The sign of an Idle Mind! - Tamara's MySpace Blog |

A Clean Desk Is The sign of an Idle Mind! - Tamara's MySpace Blog |

Queen Latifah Karaoke I Know Where I've Been

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Meeting of the Minds.

My dear father, who I have loved more than life all these years, is ailing. I hadn't know exactly how bad. But, have been praying for him. As being a single parent of two for 18 years so far. I realize what it is to be a sole provider. My dad was gone for months at a time. Leaving us at home. I would hear complaints, gossip, and ridicule about my dad doing this. Yet, always, I realized he was doing this for us...and it was special. My heart ached when he left our home to be away from us for months at a time.

Now, I reflect on how he changed all of that to be home with us, when we were teens. We shut him out of our lives. And it hurt him deeply. I am experiencing a bit of that and felt I should share a bit of that with my eldest daughter. It feels as though it may have made some impact. However, not good enough.

But, the most important conversation with my father was when he was hospitalized for an ailment...and no one told me. I had found out calling his office, to have lunch with my father. I was given, "You don't know?" I was horrified by the tone of that question and thought he was dead. I ran literally to the hospital, stood in the room before my father in tears begging him to take better care of himself. That I loved him, and for him to never shut me out of such an important incident.

Years later, I find my father did just that, again. He couldn't understand my hurt. He couldn't understand why I felt angered, almost bitter towards him. I found out through the grapevine. It was horrid, that others felt I was cold hearted to not be there for my father when his health was declining. Living 'the life' in Maui, HI...with no concern for my father. I had not intelligent response. There was no proper communication, except my father saying, "Just take care of you and (my daughter)." "Don't come."
Now, no one believes that my father meant it.
During a lunch I was sent a picture and viewed it on my phone email. I broke into tears. My father was ailing, and I had missed so much time with him. However, when he was in good health. He rarely wanted to see me.

I do now know my father loves me. That he felt I would be burdened. But, in fact, it made it possible for me to be prepared, to respond to others, and to my father. I have always respected his wishes. However, I feel there are some discrepancies because he'd been distant from me for years. But, I realize it's just not worth thinking about, anymore. He has made it clear to me, his side. I have made it clear of my 'side'. . . and we meet in the middle. That is good enough for me, and him...who gives a hoot what anyone else has to say.